


smile

by silverkatana



Category: H.O.T. (Band), SECHSKIES (Band)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, I'm Sorry, Kinda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 13:38:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16019048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverkatana/pseuds/silverkatana
Summary: in which jaeduck smiles when seungho is by his side.





	smile

**Author's Note:**

> anyway i was sitting in class and got this idea and... i'm sorry apparently half of my works always have things to do with character death

The sky is a myriad of colour, of woolen ivory-grey clouds shimmering with the faintest touches of rain, of the gentle cerulean blended with rose-white undertones, of the golden hues of sunlight that reflect the tears finding their way languidly down his cheeks.

 

He’s dressed in black, from the suit that hugs his lithe frame to the shoes that look like they’ve never been worn before; a stark contrast, a drab splash of monochrome against an otherwise cheerful - deceptively so - landscape.

 

She holds him close, his shoulder growing damp from the warm liquid that seeps through the fabric of his suit. He doesn’t mind - he’s trying his best to keep himself from falling to his knees and letting the sobs that bubble in his throat rip through his larynx. “Thank you for always being there for him,” she tells him, and her voice comes out muffled. He understands anyway, and bows his head, letting the tears run their course down his skin.

 

“I loved your son,” he comments hollowly, as if he were just discussing the weather.

 

“I know,” she replies simply. He would have been shocked at the revelation if not for his heart sitting heavy and numb in his chest.

 

“It’s too late. I realised too late.” His words come out rough, hoarse with the regret of words he would never be able to say again. “Either way-” he mutters, his tone bittersweet almost, or perhaps sentimental, “- he wouldn’t have… that’s not what he would have wanted, anyway.”

 

She’s silent for a long time, and he briefly wonders if he’s said something wrong. When she speaks again, her tone is subdued, gentle. “I think he would have considered himself lucky to be loved by someone like you.”

 

He chokes down the anguish that overwhelms him, a rush of emotion that courses through his veins and temporarily renders him unable to think. With a quiet “thank you”, he detaches himself from her sympathetically warm embrace and watches as she makes her way towards other groups huddled together, all bearing the same crestfallen expressions.

 

“You don’t have to hold back your feelings, you know,” comes a sombre murmur from behind him, and he turns to see Jaijin with an unusually serious, almost tearful, gaze. His teammate awkwardly stretches out a hand, and he leans into Jaijin’s touch with a half-smile of gratitude. “It hurts a lot to lose someone you love that dearly.”

 

The sentence sends a ripple of shock through his body. “Everyone already knew,” Jaijin admits with a humourless chuckle, his eyes void of emotion except grief and pity, “It was obvious to us since the start, that you guys were pretty much soulmates.” He hesitates. “It’s not really my place to say this, but I think…”

 

The silence hangs thick for the few seconds that Jaijin pauses, searching for the right words to say. “... I think he really did love you too.”

 

“There’s no use for that now,” he remarks, his voice nearly cracking at the last word, “But thank you, Jaijin-ah.”

 

Time passes. He’s numb, and the only thing that makes him feel - the only thing that makes his heart hurt so much he wants to crumble to the ground and weep - is the framed photograph that sits surrounded by flowers, all white; beautiful, even in the face of death.

 

“Kim Jaeduck?” His name is called, and he moves to the front mechanically. His footsteps slow to a halt, and he freezes upon laying his eyes on the photograph again. In the photograph  _ he’s _ smiling brightly; despite the wrinkles that crinkle around his eyes, or the dark eyebags that can be seen if one looks hard enough, he’s still the most beautiful person that Jaeduck has ever seen.

 

With aching slowness, his hand trembling against his will, Jaeduck lets go of the white chrysanthemums, letting the petals settle against the smooth solid surface. He’s ushered towards the microphone; gripping it and adjusting it slightly, his mind goes blank as he sweeps his gaze across the tear-stained faces of friends and family. When he opens his mouth to speak, his words catch in his throat and all that escapes is a broken exhalation.

 

“An Seungho…” It hurts to even utter his name. “We always said that we were more soulmates than just friends.”  _ I loved him _ . His heart constricts in his chest painfully at the unsaid words. The words that would never be said again. The words that could never be said again. “When I told him to stay by my side, he promised he’d make me happy, and he-”

 

His breath hitches, and he comes to the realisation that the words won’t leave his throat anymore. Instead, he bows respectfully to the crowd, the tears warm against his cheeks and salty against his lips. 

 

_ And he really did make me happy… so, so happy. _

 

As he moves away from the podium, he gazes at Seungho’s portrait. It’s almost as though Seungho is smiling at him; smiling for him. 

 

He lets the hints of a smile flicker across his face. His ring, the one that has his initials carved into it, the one he wears proudly with Seungho, is warm and comforting against his finger.

 

Smiling with him.

 

He wonders if Seungho is watching. He wonders if Seungho is smiling. He can almost imagine the bright smile written on the man’s expression, his eyes softened and warm and filled to the brim with affection and care. 

 

Jaeduck closes his eyes, feeling the gentle breeze bat against his cheeks. It’s cold, flitting against the tear-trails on his skin. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine Seungho standing in front of him; every single detail of the man he fell in love with, from his hair messy and sticking up in places from when he dragged himself out of bed in the morning, to the way the corner of his eyes crinkle when he laughs, to the upward curve that his lips form when he smiles more radiantly than the sun itself.

 

His world is so covered with sadness, and he feels so, so alone. But he closes his eyes and bows his head, pressing the ring close to his beating heart, and in his ears he can hear Seungho promising that he’ll always be by his side, that he’ll make him happy. That they would be together forever and ever.

 

_ As long as you are with me, I can be happy. _

 

_ Of course I can, because I love you. _

 

Jaeduck releases a shaky exhalation. He wonders if it’s his imagination, or if the wind seems to bring sweet whispers of promises that Seungho made to him, if the wind seems to bear Seungho’s gentle voice that he used when it was just the two of them, basking in the warmth of one another’s company.

 

_ Wherever you are now… _

 

He casts his eyes to the sky, where the sun is shining so brightly it reminds him of Seungho’s smile, where the lazuline streaks of the sky brings him a peace that he’s always felt by Seungho’s side.

 

_ … You’re still by my side, right? _

 

Jaeduck smiles.

 

Somewhere, somehow, he knows that Seungho is still by his side.

 

Smiling with him.


End file.
